Three Halves of a Whole
by allycakes
Summary: "The two of you made up the big piece of the heart, but I'm in there too, I'm the tail. I had to be the smaller part because I had to have a chance to fit somewhere else." One-Shot


The leaves crunch crisply beneath his feet as he makes his way across the lawn to the familiar slab of stone with the name of his best friend etched into the smooth face. He licks his dry lips and swallows hard as his fingers reach out mechanically and run over the carefully carved slope of the marble. His breathing stutters as feels tears start to push their way past his stoic barrier. He feels nervous which he knows is ridiculous on the surface, but anyone who knew the two young men would understand exactly why fear was wrenching at his chest and bile was making its way up his throat.

He heaves a unready sigh and slowly lowers himself onto his knees on the cool ground. He can feel dampness seeping through the thin layer of his pants, but he can't bring himself to care. He pulls anxiously on his bottom lip and hurriedly runs his sweaty palms on his jeans in a useless attempt to steady his nerves.

"May as well get it over with," He mutters to himself and shakes his head. His teeth clench together in anticipation and he takes another shaky breath, doing his best to muster up the courage to just spit it out already.

"Damn it, man up," He growls to himself.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity of just sitting and staring and the cold headstone in front of him he begins to speak.

"Eli, I came to tell you something today and I have absolutely no way to go about it. I just... I need you to know that I love her, okay? God, I love her so much it makes my stomach hurt and my chest tighten up in that annoying way only girls can make it." He pauses and looks up at the overcast sky and lets out a sarcastic grunt at how suitable it was for the situation and how he is feeling. He narrows his eyes at the heavens and their unfunny joke before he purses his lips and begins again.

"It makes me wonder how you ever loved someone so much. How you ever loved her so much, ya know? Hell, you probably loved her even more and I don't know how you did it. I don't know how she does it either. She still loves you. More than she could ever love me. Don't worry; I'm not mad at her or jealous... or anything. I... I get it. But, I know... I know that she loves me too, and that's a lot of love to carry around for one person. I guess if anyone could do it Clare would be the one person in the world who could."

He lets out a humorless laugh and picks at a stray leaf in front of him. The wind blows roughly and he watches a few leaves swirl around as if they're dancing before they tire and glide to the ground. Its graceful in a way until he realizes the leaves would be broken now.

"I catch her looking at this picture of you sometimes. She keeps in the bedside table drawer. She thinks I don't know its there, but I do. I feel like I should be upset or something, but I can't be because I do it too."

A tear sneaks it way past his carefully constructed wall, followed by a storm of them that he's been holding back for over a year. Since he and Clare got together. He tried to be strong for her because he figured if he couldn't be strong he sure as hell couldn't expect her to be. But the truth was that he wasn't strong. At least not as strong as he let on.

"I know you two were... are soul mates, for lack of a less cheesy word..." He trails off and gnaws on his bottom lip.

"But I feel like maybe I was apart of that too. Like... the two of you made up the big piece of the heart, but I'm in there too, I'm the tail. I had to be the smaller part because I had to have a chance to fit somewhere else." He smiles to himself and swipes the tears off his cheeks.

"But we still need each other. We need you, Eli. Fuck..."

He drops his head and covers his mouth with a firm hand before letting out a guttural growl of anger.

At himself.

At Eli.

At life.

He's shaking and he jumps when a warm hand places itself on his shoulder.

He doesn't have to look up to know its her.

He doesn't ask her what she's doing there.

He knows.

"How much did you hear?" He asks without looking up to meet her eyes.

One glance and he would lose himself completely.

"All of it, she whispers. I'm sorry." She sinks to the ground beside him and lays her curly head on his slender shoulder. "I miss him, Adam."

"I know. I know," He chokes. and places a sweet kiss on her forehead.

"We can't get married, can we?" She whispers, lower this time and he can tell she's on the brink of tears.

He shakes his head and he knows she can feel it, but he says it anyway.

"No."

It feels final.

It feels like dying.

She nods and he wraps an arm around her shoulder as the continue to stare at the headstone.

"I'm sorry." She wriggles closer to him and presses her head into the crook of his neck.

"For what?"

"That I can only give you part of me. I'm sorry it's not enough."

"I want it to be," He sighs and tightens his hold on her.

"Me too." He can feel her shaking slightly against him, but she doesn't make a sound, her tears falling silently down her cheeks.

"I love you, you know?" He whispers and places another kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too." She finally looks up at him and he feels sick at the pain in her eyes that, now that she isn't trying so damn hard to hide it, reaches out and slaps him square in the face. He lost a best friend, but she lost the love of her life.

She touches his cheeks gently and leans into give him a gentle kiss.

Her lips are hot and chapped and both of their cheeks are damp and cool from the wind.

It isn't passionate, but it isn't empty either.

It's friendly.

Because that's all they'll ever be.

They were fooling themselves to think otherwise.

No matter how much they loved each other Clare and Eli would always love each other more.

Adam had to believe there was someone out there like that for him too.

Even if he had to go through the pain of losing them like Clare had.

"I'm gonna go," He says quietly. "I'll... see you at home."

She nods and pulls her hand away slowly, turning away from him.

She waits until she hears the sound of his engine cranking up from across the cemetery before she speaks.

"I wanted it to work," She whispers, "I wanted it to so badly, Eli. I tried. I know... I know you would want me to try, but when we said forever and always I meant it. Sometimes I wish I didn't because things would be easier, but I did. I meant it with everything in me. I can't move on, Eli. I tried. I'm sorry."

She sits silently, praying harder than she ever had for anything for some kind of conformation that it's okay, that he understands, but soon her shoulders slump in defeat when nothing happens.

She stands and wraps her arms around herself tightly, if she imagined just hard enough she could pretend that they were Eli's.

She's lost in her daydream when the sound of a door slamming startles her back to reality. She looks to her right in the direction of the noise and notices a man dragging a lawnmower out of the back of a truck to begin his task. She squints in the distance at the truck and is taken by surprise by the smile making its way across her face.

Time Landscaping Service, it reads in big bold letters along with the image of a clock.

She laughs out loud shakes her head, looking up to the sky.

"Smartass."

**AN: Again, I'm sorry, but the end is kind of cute? Review, please?**


End file.
